Bullets

  • For New Years Eve, I went to this party at Fort Mason Center. It was one of those buy-a-ticket-and-drink-as-much-as-you-want-events. I think it was the defining moment of my drinking career. It’s like when a baseball player realizes that he can’t get around on 95 MPH gas anymore. It’s like when a basketball player is pump faking under the hoop when there isn’t a defender in sight. I had fun at the party, but by about 12:30, I was ready to go to sleep. I just can’t hang like I used to. But I’m not saying that I’m not going to drink anymore or anything like that just because I’m past my prime. I’m going to pull a Tracy McGrady and hang around the league as a role player. Every once in a while I’ll show glimpses of my prime, but more likely than not, you’ll see me with ice packs on my knees limping my way through the night. 
  • It was about Week 5 of the NFL season and I was in San Francisco with Jon. We were talking about the Niners and Jon said, “We just need a team to knock out the Packers so we can go to the Super Bowl.” I laughed in his face.
  • I recommend watching Fast Five if you’re looking for a good laugh. “Dom, what do you remember about your father?” “My father? I remember everything about my father. Everything. Every Sunday, we had to go to church. After church, we’d have a barbeque. It was for anyone in the neighborhood. The catch was that you had to go to church or you didn’t get any barbeque. After dinner, my father would help Mia with her homework. He’d help her read the whole chapter. Then, after she went to bed, he’d stay up and read the next chapter just so he could help her the following night. …I remember everything about my father.”
  • During Fast Five, Dom, Brian, and the gang did a quarter mile race for $1M. As I’m watching the scene, I begin to think, “Man, this is a long quarter mile.” I went back to the beginning of the scene and timed it on my phone (because I’m weird). The race lasted exactly one minute. One minute for a quarter mile is equivalent to a four minute mile, which is equivalent to 15 MPH. Suspenseful. 
  • Last week I started playing in a basketball league. Most of you guys know that I’ve started to wear glasses, but my vision isn’t that bad so I decided to play sans glasses. Everything was a little blurry, including the basket, but it was manageable. While the other team was shooting free throws I thought to myself, “This must be how it felt being a clean baseball player during the steroid era. The steroid users (people with good vision) have a leg up on the clean players.” It’s time to start juicing.