I went to get a haircut today. When I was about to pay, the lady that cut my hair started offering something like the person at Macy’s that always tries to get you to sign up for a credit card. My first instinct was to insta-decline, but I kept listening to be polite. It turned out to be something legit.
She was offering this card where you can prepay for haircuts at a set price of $9.99 compared to the normal $14. You could only buy a maximum of 12 haircuts. Haircuts are like toothpaste or deodorant. You’re always going to need them. I’m the type of person that buys 10 sticks of deodorant at once when there’s a good sale because you’re always going to need more at some point. Using the same logic, I bought the maximum of 12 haircuts, locking in a savings of $48.
This got me thinking. How many would I have bought if there wasn’t a limit? Hypothetically, say I wanted to buy 1000 haircuts. Instead of going to the library or wherever to do some work, I could sit at this haircut place and tell everybody that walks in, “Give me $12 and I will pay for your haircut.” They’d be saving $2 on their haircut and I’d be making $2. After 1000 haircuts, I’d be up $2k. It’s like the DMV hustle that I wrote about before. If I was ever really strapped for cash, I’d do something like this.
My reaction to Pablo Sandoval’s walk-off home run.
I was in line at the grocery store waiting to checkout. The employee started talking about how she’s been smoking since she was 13 and that she’s starting to feel something in her throat. “I think it’s because of the change in weather. I think it started when I got my cat.” Nah, lady, I think it’s the cigarettes.
How do you say the word “flasks” or “tasks” or “masks”? I feel like it’s impossible to enunciate these words and say them fluidly at the same time. It’s more like “flask-s” or “flass.”
I think Ariana Grande is making a career mistake by continuing to do television on Nickelodeon. For those that don’t know, she was on Victorious and is starring in the spin-off, Sam & Cat, that starts this year. She’s 19 years old. She’s going to be 20 next month. Say the series goes for three years. She’s still going to be acting on Nickelodeon at 23 years old? Miley and Selena, albeit on Disney, stopped when they were 19ish. Ariana’s debut single is already #12 on the Billboard charts. Her album is coming out later this year. She’s rumored to be opening for Justin Bieber on his tour. Concentrate on music.
Somebody told me that Subway is having a promotion where you can buy any 6” sandwich and get a second 6” free before 9am. This person asked if he can come back at lunch to get his free 6” instead of just taking it then. The Subway employee said that he could. At first, this surprised me, but after thinking about it some more, it makes sense. If the employee says that he can’t come back later, there’s a 100% chance he is going to claim his free 6” right then and there. If the employee says that he can come back at lunch to get his sandwich, there’s at least a chance that he doesn’t come back. Even if there’s a 95% chance he comes back, there’s a 5% chance that Subway saved themselves 6” of sandwich. If he does come back, he might also buy some chips or something to go with his meal.
There was zero upside to Stephen Curry confronting that fan after Game 5. I understand emotions were high, but what if the fan decided to swing at Curry? You don’t think the NBA would suspend Curry for getting into a fight with a fan even if he didn’t actually throw any punches? He confronted him, which escalated the situation. Suspension. End of series. End of season.
I don’t play basketball very often anymore, but when I do, I make it a point to not really look like a basketball player. In pick up games, especially, first impressions mean a lot. I’m convinced that when people are matching up on defense, whatever defender chooses to guard me takes me less seriously because I’m wearing some Nike running shoes with Adidas socks, some basketball shorts from Costco, and a UC Davis Aggie Pack shirt.
First two possessions with four feet of daylight at the three-point line, bangbang. Thanks.
Seriously, what are boneless wings? Wings have bones. The next time I order boneless wings, I’m going to be like, “Lemme get some of those chunks of breast meat.”
Where do snails go when it’s hot/dry? I only see snails when it’s moist or when it’s dry. But when it’s dry, they’re dead on the sidewalk. They’re all dried out. I’ve never seen a snail on a normal, sunny day just chillin’ on the concrete. Do they go underground or hide in the shade until the rain comes? Are the dried out dead ones the stupid snails? Natural selection?
I’m at the DMV and I’ve been waiting for two hours and three minutes. I’d buy somebody’s DMV number right now if it would get me out of here. Now that I think about it, the DMV is a money-making opportunity.
This is how I envision it: I go to the DMV counter and get a number. I wait for the two hours or whatever and when it’s about to be my turn, I go up to people that just received their number and offer it to them for a price. I also receive their DMV number during the transaction.
They pay to save two hours of their life. I get paid for waiting and also get another DMV number to sell to the next person. It’s borderline genius.
Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night, I went to the Buffalo Wild Wings soft opening in Tracy. The hostess sat our group at two tables separated by a walkway. There was an open table next to one of our tables that wasn’t separated by a walkway so we asked if we could use that table instead. We were told that we couldn’t because the two tables that we wanted were the responsibility of a single server and they didn’t want to “overwhelm” him. But isn’t somebody going to be sitting at that table anyway? Isn’t the point of a soft opening to overwhelm the server during their dry run so they’re not overwhelmed for the first time when it “matters”?
The men’s bathroom at Buffalo Wild Wings has one urinal and two toilets. Imagine the line on Sundays during football season. The urinal-to-toilet ratio in the men’s bathroom at a sports bar type place should be at least 2:1. It should be a law. Your water heater must be at least 12 inches off the floor. Your sports bar must have at least a 2:1 urinal-to-toilet ratio in the men’s bathroom.
At what point do we stop pronouncing the year as if it’s money? Most people, including me, would say the current year of 2013 as “two thousand thirteen.” But people didn’t say “one thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven.” We said “nineteen ninety-seven.” People didn’t say “one thousand nine hundred and thirteen.” They said “nineteen thirteen.” It’s the turn of the millennium that has made things awkward. It’s the post-millennium awkwardness.
This has to end at some point. The natural transition into post post-millennium awkwardness is 2100, but I’m stopping at 2020. What’s the date? January 1st, twenty twenty.
Tampons/pads are a tax on women. They have to buy them. It’s a must. There’s no other way around it. It’s a mandatory fee for being a woman. There isn’t a male equivalent. There isn’t even another female equivalent.
For giveaways at sporting events, why do they hand out extra large shirts? By virtue of most people, on average, not being giants, wouldn’t it make sense to go one size down to large to fit a greater percentage of men and women? Doesn’t the sponsor, say Clorox, want people to wear their shirts in public to maximize brand exposure? Are people going to be wearing their shirts to Taco Bell when they’re swimming in them? I ain’t finna do it.
There has to be a consequence from Daylight Savings other than gaining/losing an hour of sleep. I was thinking last night, if one works a graveyard shift, say from midnight until 8 am, how does the pay work? If it’s during the spring, does a worker get paid for eight hours of work for working only seven hours? And the same concept in the fall.
I’m guessing the answer is the intuitive one, but it’s interesting to think about what effect DST has on things other than sleep.