My reaction to Pablo Sandoval’s walk-off home run. Or as David Lee calls it, defense.
Hairball
I was in line at the grocery store waiting to checkout. The employee started talking about how she’s been smoking since she was 13 and that she’s starting to feel something in her throat. “I think it’s because of the change in weather. I think it started when I got my cat.” Nah, lady, I think it’s the cigarettes.
How do you say the word “flasks” or “tasks” or “masks”? I feel like it’s impossible to enunciate these words and say them fluidly at the same time. It’s more like “flask-s” or “flass.”
I think Ariana Grande is making a career mistake by continuing to do television on Nickelodeon. For those that don’t know, she was on Victorious and is starring in the spin-off, Sam & Cat, that starts this year. She’s 19 years old. She’s going to be 20 next month. Say the series goes for three years. She’s still going to be acting on Nickelodeon at 23 years old? Miley and Selena, albeit on Disney, stopped when they were 19ish. Ariana’s debut single is already #12 on the Billboard charts. Her album is coming out later this year. She’s rumored to be opening for Justin Bieber on his tour. Concentrate on music.
bangbang
Somebody told me that Subway is having a promotion where you can buy any 6” sandwich and get a second 6” free before 9am. This person asked if he can come back at lunch to get his free 6” instead of just taking it then. The Subway employee said that he could. At first, this surprised me, but because I’m weird, I started thinking about it more. If the employee says that he can’t come back later, there’s a 100% chance he is going to claim his free 6” right then and there. If the employee says that he can come back at lunch to get his sandwich, there’s at least a chance that he doesn’t come back. Even if there’s a 95% chance he comes back, there’s a 5% chance that Subway saved themselves 6” of sandwich. He might also buy some chips or something too when he comes back.
There was zero upside to Stephen Curry confronting that fan after Game 5. I understand emotions were high, but what if the fan decided to swing at Curry? You don’t think the NBA would suspend Curry for getting into a fight with a fan even if he didn’t actually throw any punches? He confronted him, which escalated the situation. Suspension. End of series. End of season.
I don’t play basketball very often anymore, but when I do, I make it a point to not really look like a basketball player. In pick up games, especially, first impressions mean a lot. They’re not necessarily valuable, but they’re important. I’m convinced that when people are matching up on defense, whatever defender chooses to guard me takes me less seriously because I’m wearing some Nike running shoes with Adidas socks, some basketball shorts from Costco, and a UC Davis Aggie Pack shirt.
First two possessions with four feet of daylight at the three-point line, bangbang. Thanks.
Seriously, what are boneless wings? Wings have bones. The next time I order boneless wings, I’m going to be like, “Lemme get some of those chunks of breast meat.”
Snails.
Where do snails go when it’s hot/dry? I only see snails when it’s moist or when it’s dry. But when it’s dry, they’re dead on the sidewalk. They’re all dried out. I’ve never seen a snail on a normal, sunny day just chillin’ on the concrete. Do they go underground or hide in the shade until the rain comes? Are the dried out dead ones the stupid snails? Natural selection?
B28
I saw a video about selling your DMV number. It reminded me of something I wrote back in November:
“I’m at the DMV and I’ve been waiting for two hours and three minutes. I’d buy somebody’s DMV number right now if it would get me out of here. Now that I think about it, the DMV is a money-making opportunity.
This is how I envision it: I go to the DMV counter and get a number. I wait for the two hours or whatever and when it’s about to be my turn, I go up to people that just received their number and offer it to them for a price. I also receive their DMV number during the transaction.
They pay to save two hours of their life. I get paid for waiting and also get another DMV number to sell to the next person. It’s borderline genius.”
Certificate
If I was a business owner, I would not have a “Best of 2011” certificate hanging in my store. For example, one of the jewelry stores in the mall has a “Best Jewelry Store of 2011” certificate in their window. It’s 2013. I want to walk into the store and ask them, “So, uh, what happened in 2012?”
The certificate is more damaging to the store’s reputation than it is beneficial. It’s essentially saying, “We used to be the best, but in 2012 somebody was better. Please still shop with us anyway.”
Marbles
You know why people think illogically about things? Because they’re taught to think illogically.
I was helping a student with homework. The problem went something like this:
There are 100 marbles in a bag, There are two colors of marbles - red and blue. You take a sample of 10 marbles out of the bag. Of the 10, eight are red and two are blue. Based on the sample, deduce what percentage of marbles in the bag are red and what percentage are blue.
Even though the answer is wrong, the “correct” answer that they’re looking for is 80% are red and 20% are blue.
I hope my kid would write, “You can’t deduce anything, bruh.”
Edit:
Anonymous asked: Why can’t you deduce anything?
Just because the first sample of ten is 80% red, it doesn’t mean the other 90 marbles are 80% red. What if there were only eight red marbles total in the bag and all of them were picked in the first ten? Then only 8% of the marbles are red. You just can’t deduce anything. It’s a flawed, flawed question.
Edit #2:
Another problem: There are 30,000 people in a city. They polled 200 people and asked if they owned a cell phone. 120 people said yes. How many people in the city have cell phones?
Uh, at least 120.
Mango Habanero
Last night, I went to the Buffalo Wild Wings soft opening in Tracy. The hostess sat our group at two tables separated by a walkway. There was an open table next to one of our tables that wasn’t separated by a walkway so we asked if we could use that table instead. We were told that we couldn’t because the two tables that we wanted were the responsibility of a single server and they didn’t want to “overwhelm” him. But isn’t somebody going to be sitting at that table anyway? Isn’t the point of a soft opening to overwhelm the server during their dry run so they’re not overwhelmed for the first time when it “matters”?
The men’s bathroom at Buffalo Wild Wings has one urinal and two toilets. Imagine the line on Sundays during football season. The urinal-to-toilet ratio in the men’s bathroom at a sports bar type place should be at least 2:1. It should be a law. Your water heater must be at least 12 inches off the floor. Your sports bar must have at least a 2:1 urinal-to-toilet ratio in the men’s bathroom.
